Shopping sucks when you're fat

When you're gaining weight, you have to buy new clothes. This sucks as shopping is totally unpleasant when you're fat.

Unfortunately, when you're reaching sizes that are proceeded by multiple x's you find your closet void of work-appropriate tarps. So off to the store you go.

Sick of wearing the same 3 stretchy-dresses to work every week, I decided to add one more option to the mix. Lane Bryant has several new cute dresses for spring so that was my destination.

With the hope of purchasing 1 dress, I took 3 into the dressing room. I'll admit, I did find a cute dress; however, it's GINORMOUS! Not on me, of course, because I am also ginormous.

So I bought it and did not feel any of the excitement I used to feel when making purchases as a skinny person.

I've been trying really hard to love myself lately AS IS. No conditions ("I'll love myself when I weigh x"). This is super hard when you're a size 16+ and you KNOW how cute you used to look in clothes size 2/4.

It's a double-edged sword because, while I looked way cuter in clothes as a size 2/4, I totally HATED myself and was miserable. Now I'm a size 16+ and, while not actively miserable every moment of the day, still wish I could love myself.

I'm trying. I'm really, REALLY trying.

I've had a successful first week on Weight Watchers and know that, since I'm not starving/over exercising, this is going to be a VERY LONG journey. I pray for patience and the ability to love myself every step of the way.