I just want to eat it all away...

I'm upset.

My sister called me today and asked me to loan her $1,000. She had fallen behind on bills and needed the money as a bridge until she could get caught up. There was only one condition: I couldn't tell her husband about the loan.

Ok. I don't loan people money. I don't ever want money to come between me and someone I love. If we were going to help it was going to be a gift.

After much discussion with my husband, we decided to give her the money on one condition: she tells her husband about the gift.

She declined our offer of assistance.

This entire situation saddens me for so many reasons.

1 - My sister is hurting. I want her to stop hurting, but if I have to be dishonest to do so, I'm not interested. However, it's still really upsetting that she's hurting.

2 - My sister can't be honest with her husband. I would NEVER hide something like this from my husband. If I'm in a pinch (due to circumstance or my own actions), I KNOW I can call on him for help without the fear of his judgement. I'm human and I make mistakes and that's ok with him. He's also human and makes mistakes and that's ok with me. It's upsetting that my sister feels she has to shoulder the knowledge of this financial burden alone.

3 - My sister is too proud to let her husband think "she can't handle the finances". I hate that her pride is causing her so much pain.

4 - This is so easily remedied, but she won't take the actions necessary to fix it. If she went to her husband and told him what was going on, they could shoulder this burden as a team. Sure, he might be upset that she waited until ends were nowhere near meeting to tell him, but he'll get over it and then they can move forward together. She's so terrified of his disapproval that she'd rather suffer alone and in silence.

This is so upsetting. I just want to eat all of this sadness away.