Acceptance

At today's OA meeting our discussion focused on this passage from the big book:

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I acceppt that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my {overeating}, I could not stay {abstinent}; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

This passage really struck me.

Everyday I am constantly reminded by my inner critic and the outside world that I am unacceptable because I am fat. My goal is to make myself acceptable to my inner critic and the outside world (even though I know I'm no more acceptable to myself when not fat).

To hear that everything about me and my life at this moment is exactly as God intends it to be really opened my eyes. I think of this time in my life as a mistake or phase to pass quickly through. Something that needs to be fixed. To hear that is not the case at all... woah. God wants me to be this way today. This is no mistake. Everything is exactly as it should be.

This doesn't mean that I want to stay this way forever. What's cool is, it doesn't matter what I want. I'm already exactly as God wants me to be. This gives me great strength to move forward and overcome my food addiction. Knowing that I don't have to fix anything about myself in order to fight, that I'm just as I should be, that I don't have to hate myself for who I am today...wow.